Tag Archives: life balance - Page 3

Change For The Good, Right Now

Posted by on April 9, 2013 No comments

In the “these things happen to other people” news, I’ve been a target of a hacker.  As hacks go, it was fairly significant – my EBay account.  The hacker bought a whole bunch of stuff, surprisingly not using my linked PayPal account.  EBay locked my account quickly, notified me, and took care of most all the issues with fees and listings.  Regardless, I felt obligated to apologize to a bunch of people who got caught up in the mess.  One person had actually shipped the product by the time I emailed them.

I’ve been online a long time and my password strength has grown with the ever-increasing threat.  I’ve felt I’ve had a decent password, but I suffer from what a lot of people probably do, and that is password entropy – using the same password on every site.  Well, that’s not entirely true since I do use a variant of my main password for those sites that don’t support the special characters I used.

Now it’s time to get real.  Just before I discovered my eBay account was hacked, I had dealt with some spammer sending me over 7000 emails of random text.  So I was giving consideration to changing my email address, and why not have a different email address for every site?  So my email address for Bank of America would be bankofamerica.com@mydomain.com and for Expedia it would be expedia.com@mydomain.com.  This would be relatively easy to remember and would identify if anyone sold my email address to another company or if my email was stolen or harvested.

But at the time, I felt a bit overwhelmed with the task of changing ALL my emails.  Now, since I have to change ALL my passwords, I might as well go through with it.  In addition, I’ve decided to use a password manager, KeePass.  It seems to be a pretty slick utility and I’m surprised I never gave it a chance before. I think my main reason for avoiding it was that I never wanted to be unable to access a website because I didn’t know my password.

But upon closer inspection of that fear, it is very similar to other fears that keep you from (positive) change.  The fringe cases override everything.  It seems everyone is afraid of the word “can’t,” because it is only interpreted in its absolute and permanent sense.  It’s not “I can’t do this,” it’s “I can’t do this right now.” And the “right now” part is what makes the modern time so awesome, hectic, and dangerous.

So, with KeePass, I can have a password file on my home computer and there’s a version for my phone that I can keep synched.  That should be well enough to let me do what I need when I need to.  And for the other cases, it’s going to have to be the other person disappointed when I say “I can’t” because I’m not going to let it control me.

The Benjamins. Yeah… About Them

Posted by on February 18, 2013 No comments

Jobs are like a second life.  In this second life, you have work to do, you can have relationships, you can have good and bad “existences”.  I’ve seen co-workers come and go in all different manners.  Some people are squeezed out and their departure is no surprise, some leave suddenly, voluntarily or not.  Some people you want to go and some you want to keep.  And in every case of departure, as with a departure in the first life, there is some soul-searching and some situational evaluation.  Very recently, some news was broken that one of our work family members was leaving.  My reaction to the details of the departure  was unlike others I had previously.

This person had come to us less than 6 months ago.  He came from a job he disliked and he fit in with us very well.  Moreover, he was a hard worker and had excellent skills.  In my opinion, he was going to go far in our company.  This all ended when he put in his two weeks notice.  In IT, there’s always new opportunities and new challenges to take on.  Developers are eager to apply their skills in a new environment, and many cases, fellow workers wish them well, because they understand the excitement of going off to tackle new problems and come up with great new solutions.

But not this time.  This developer was going back to his old job.  Why?  Because they offered him a boatload of money.  That’s the only reason, and it’s the only reason I need to write him off completely.  He knows he’s going to have to work harder, because the dev team at his old job has mostly quit.  He knows he’s going to have to sacrifice his personal time to be on call.  He knows he’s going to be working with the same management he didn’t get along with before.  For what?  Money.

I can forgive job hopping for money when you’re in your 20’s and 30’s, because there’s lots more time to find the company that’s right for you and you should get good and bad experiences so you know what to look for. But this guy should be old enough (my age) to know a good thing when he sees it. But he sees nothing but money.  He’s a whore.  That designation fits very well since he’s commented about putting in a year and getting $x more.  Giving up an incredible job at an incredible company to plan to leave another company in the lurch after a year after pocketing their generous offer.  Don’t come back knocking when you’re done with that one.

I’m taking his decision very personally.  In a sense, I feel like I’ve been used.  Like I’ve been the best boyfriend/girlfriend ever, and six months in, was told, “You’ve been great, but I’m going back to my old boyfriend/girlfriend because they make more money.”  “But they beat you!”  “Yeah, but it’s not that bad, and I can buy nicer things.” 

Money won’t buy you happiness, and I’m looking forward to the day he realizes that.  I’ll give him about three months for the reality to settle in.

The Violent Life

Posted by on December 27, 2012 No comments

Today, I made a follow-up call to one of my mortgage companies, who confirmed some bad news to me.  I guess relatively, it’s not bad news at all, it’s just information.  Time is quickly running out for HARP refinancing, and my primary mortgage company extended me a really nice offer that could save me a couple hundred a month in payments.  However, when I called to redeem that offer, I was deemed ineligible because my secondary mortgage holder wasn’t on the “approved list”.  So I called the secondary company today and they confirmed that they were not participating in that program.

So what did I do then? Nothing.  I politely thanked the woman and ended the call.  I didn’t rant at her.  I didn’t punch a wall or cry and yell.  I didn’t curse the politicians or banks.  And I didn’t start scheming.  I just kept driving home.  Nothing had changed.  I wasn’t any worse off than I was before I started this re-fi process.  As I drove, I thought of a moment a couple days ago where I forgot to provide my rewards card at a costly restaurant and missed a decent amount of reward points.  Again, I didn’t get angry.  I didn’t insist on having the staff accommodate my mistake.  I shrugged and moved on.

Some people may hear these stories and say “Look at what you’re missing out on!” or “You’re ripping yourself off!”  And that’s what I’m trying to explain.  There’s a certain segment of the population that believes life is difficult and unfair – a battle that must be fought in order to succeed.  They’ve come up with motivational sayings like “Seize the day!” and “Grab life by the throat!”  They implore you to “take what’s yours” and “settle for nothing less”.  Such violent, aggressive images – why would life freely offer anything to them when they are constantly attacking it and taking whatever they can?

However, I feel I am a model case of success caused by working in harmony with life instead of fighting it every step of the way.  When opportunities are presented to me, I take them if I can, and if I miss them, there will always be another in the future.  If you would scoff and say I’m too passive to be successful, what’s your measure of success?  I’m very sure it’s not the same as mine.  If I had to get up each day and mentally plan an attack on everyone that’s out to take something that I might feel is rightfully mine, I would be miserable.  And I’m guessing those that do this are miserable, they just don’t know any differently.

I’m not making an excuse for laziness and total passivity.  You have to be engaged enough to act on your good fortune, and that can mean working and sometimes working hard.  Further, you have to be engaged enough to recognize your good fortune and give thanks for it.  Finally, you have to have the attitude that you are losing nothing.

So I wasn’t able to get a couple hundred off my mortgage payment.  I didn’t lose that offer; it was never mine to begin with.  For me to be upset about something that wasn’t mine is selfish and dwelling on it would make me lose focus on the real facts that I am getting by without that change.  I should be very grateful that is the case, with so many others that are not as fortunate. 

In summary, as cliché as it is, you need to focus on what you have been given and not what you feel you have been denied.

Content

Posted by on November 15, 2012 No comments

I was thinking of a semi-technical blog entry this morning, one I particularly like, dealing with really big hard drives.  Somehow the idea of having cameras covering every square meter of the Earth recording HD video since the beginning of time is fascinating to me.  It’s overwhelming to consider that amount of data.  How would you even manage it?  Google couldn’t even index that much data.

Scaling the concept back more than just a little, even having one camera recording everything since the time you were born is too much data for one person to manage.  When I say “manage”, I really mean “consume”.  To consume that video feed in its entirety would require you do nothing but watch it all the time.

As people, we are consumers.  We take in information and experiences.  Ideally, we use that information to create new content for the rest of the world to consume.  I am creating content right now and you are consuming it.  It would be nearly impossible to be a 100% consumer.

On some level, it might be depressing to some people that they can’t fulfill their dream of “I want to see it all!  I want to experience everything!”  Nope, can’t be done.  There’s new things all the time and lots of history to learn about as well.

Think about your consumption habits.  Coming home from work, where you actually created content in some way, you reverse the flow and consume.  Maybe read a book, web pages, watch video clips, TV shows, or listen to music.  This is content that someone else created at some point.  Maybe you reverse the flow again and create content based on that input: write a letter, converse on Internet forums, call a friend.  It’s a natural back-and-forth, like breathing information.  But no matter how hard we try, we can’t experience all the information that’s out there.

This is something we need to manage and balance.  We only have so much time here and we need to choose carefully what content will best serve our needs and help us create better content of our own.

Art Is A Luxury

Posted by on May 30, 2012 No comments

In today’s fast-paced world, it is probably not surprising that art is underappreciated.  What I find surprising is that there is any art being done at all.  Being a creative type does require skill – to do the creation process – but it requires an important element, inspiration.  This element is rare and random.  When it appears, you need to seize it.  And the busier you are in life, the less inspiration seems to arrive.

Today, I worked late at work and on the way home, I made mental plans to wash my car.  While stopped in traffic, I saw a silhouette of someone talking with their hands behind tinted windows in another car.  For some odd reason, this was fascinating to me and I came up with an opening line for a possible poem: “Today, I watched some hands, through a window…”  As I continued home, I made some small development on it, but without any paper to sketch my ideas on, I was destined to lose the rhythm and forget some of the phrases and wording.  Inspiration came at a poor time.

As I was driving and trying to concentrate on imagery and the story that needed told, my thoughts kept getting interrupted by “What about the car?”  If I immediately went to work on the poem, I wouldn’t be able to wash the car.  If I washed the car first, I’d lose the inspiration.  On top of that, once I got home, there was the cat begging for food and a package that arrived with much-needed printer toner.  Life felt like it was really piling up.

By the time I got home, I had abandoned the poem idea, gave up on the car washing for the day, and thought maybe a blog post about the whole situation would be relevant, since I have blogged so little as of late.  I got thinking about life as an artist, where some would say they are lazy and are unproductive, I would say they are waiting for inspiration to strike.  You couldn’t be busy out of the house when an idea comes to mind.  You have to be at the ready.

I’ve read that artists can do some of their best work in later years.  It’s too bad we have to take all that time to learn how to slow down.

Revaluation

Posted by on May 28, 2012 No comments

If you want a good opportunity to re-evaluate your life, help someone pack and move. Notice the amount of time you are spending taking care of stuff. Notice the moments of "oh, I forgot about that!" Notice how some things are carefully put into storage and some things are carelessly grouped together in meaningless piles.

Look for the redundancies and duplication. Look for the obsolescence and uselessness. Count the boxes and estimate when each would be opened, if ever.

It’s pretty simple. Do you really need 50 glasses and cups? Do you expect to serve 16 people with all those plates? What about the manuals for the phones you don’t even own anymore? Did you check, or did you just toss the stack of manuals in a box?

Moving should be a opportunity to do a full review and inventory, but many people, I suspect, simply see it as an event involving moving everything from one location to another.  It’s no secret, I have given up on “stuff”.  I just feel that my beliefs have been strengthened and that maybe another round of downsizing should be in my future.

If I ever had to move, how many people would it take to move my stuff?  As I look around, I feel a little disappointed.  It’s too much.

Resize, Reassess, Restructure, Relief

Posted by on May 6, 2010 No comments

Downsizing. No, upsizing.  No.  I’m not really sure.  How about resizing?  Yes, I have resized my vehicle.  After 10 years of driving the same model car – an Acura TL – I have changed to a new vehicle.  It is a new 2010 Mazda MX-5.  I’ve been driving it for a week and I’ve had substantial time to reflect on the change on a micro- and macro-level.  Going from a midsize, near-luxury sedan to a roadster is a pretty radical change.  Most people add a roadster as a weekend car; I made it my only car.  I had some logical reasoning going into the purchase, and post-purchase, I’ve affirmed these beliefs and realized others.

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To begin, I simply wasn’t happy with my Acura.  It had been purchased used and had the same transmission problem as my previous one.  The “buying it used” part had a big effect on me.  I never felt the car was really mine.  I never had any emotional attachment to it – not like the first Acura, which I had bought new.  So buying new was the only option for me.  I felt that I wanted to be back in love with my car.

Looking at the vast choice of cars available, I was very uninspired with all the sedans.  Even the sport coupes didn’t appeal to me.  The thing that annoyed me the most was bulk and waste.  I’ve hated SUV’s and trucks for a very long time.  I’ve recently been on a simplification plan – downsizing and minimizing my footprint.  Becoming a motorcycle rider helped with that.  It’s simple, no-frills, no-baggage transportation.  Looking at sedans, there’s two extra doors and an entire back seat area that will rarely, if ever, get used except to collect and haul crap.  The two seat roadster was the answer.  Of the available roadsters, of which there are very few, I didn’t want to deal with the cost of maintaining a BMW or Audi.  Like I’ve said to others, “I could get a Z or a TT, but I like my money, too.”  So the MX-5 was the answer.

So I satisfied my need for minimalism and initial-ownership.  The roadster choice also fulfilled my need to enjoy driving again.  With my massive commute in a bulky, heavy sedan, I had begun to despise driving.  It was a chore.  And I had to drive sensibly to save gas because my commute was so far.  Riding the motorcycle was a totally different experience.  The small engine meant I could go faster and ride harder without worrying about wasting gas.  The light weight and general “bike-ness” meant I could handle it harder.  The open air experience was unmatched.  In the last few weeks of owning the TL, I drove everywhere with all the windows down and sunroof open.  It was ok, but a convertible is a totally different experience, for the better.

So when I bought the MX-5, I was a little freaked out.  The windshield view is tiny and I wasn’t completely prepared for it.  It took a few days to feel comfortable with the car and then I could relax and understand my feelings in this new car.  One thing that came into my head was an article I had read about people buying large houses.  The article said that people don’t really feel comfortable in large open spaces.  I applied that to my new-found comfort in my purpose-built driving cockpit.  Everything is close at hand.  It made sense.  Then I thought of when I had my first Acura and I bought a cheap beater car: a Toyota Celica.  The Celica was crappy in many ways, but I honestly think I liked it more than the Acura.  Maybe because it was smaller and had a more sports-car atmosphere?  Possible.

I think the TL was supposed to be my “all-grown-up” car.  I had “made it” professionally, I was living on my own, and this was the next step.  Grow up, be an adult, get a responsible car.  I never considered that I didn’t have to follow the recommended path.  So with the MX-5, I feel more like my old self.  And that can’t be a bad thing.

And now that I’m here, the term “mid-life crisis” means something different.  When you’re younger, it’s a joke.  To see some middle-aged person acting like a teenager again seems dumb.  They’re supposed to act their age.  But when you get to “mid-life” yourself, you find yourself evaluating your life so far.  You may discover you haven’t taken the time to have fun, maybe you’ve gotten wrapped up in work and chasing status and collecting “stuff”.  You look around, see all the stuff you have, and while it’s nice to have, it’s also a pain to have.

“I’d love to have a dozen cars!”  Really, no, you wouldn’t.  You have to store, insure, license, maintain, and wash all those cars.  “I wish I had a house with a few extra rooms.”  No, you have to heat, cool, clean, furnish, and pay taxes on that extra square footage.  People ask me how I’m going to get anything home in my tiny new car.  First, if I’m buying more stuff than can fit in the car, I’m buying too much stuff.  Second, if it’s too big to fit in the car, I should have it delivered.  Third, if it can’t be delivered, I call Enterprise and rent a bigger car for a day.  The likelihood that I would end up at the final choice is very slim.  Buying a bigger car enables bad choices like buying too much stuff.  I can’t take a bunch of crap with me because there’s no room in the car.  If I have trash, it comes out right away, there’s nowhere to put it in the car.

Less is truly more.