Category Archives: Wondering - Page 19

Epiphany

Posted by on April 10, 2010 No comments

There is an infographic I found a while ago that I found quite interesting.  At the time I found it, It was a “that’s neat” response.  Upon revisiting it and doing some critical thinking, I realize that it answers so much about the current political environment.  Some questions it explains:

  • Why can we never have world peace?
  • Why can we never be equals?
  • Why must some people be poor?
  • Why do those poor people typically vote for Democrats?
  • Why are rich, white people typically Republicans?
  • Why are we so screwed up right now?

The key, for me, is understanding the base motivations of Conservatives and Liberals.  It also made me realize how liberal I am, so consider this your warning.

For reference, the graphic is at: http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/leftvright_world.html

Typically, when you hear pundits talk about right/left, red/blue, Republican/Democrat, they focus on stereotypes: Democrats want to raise taxes, Republicans want to start wars, Democrats want government to control your life, Republicans only care about the rich people.  No one ever talks about why these parties do this.

A simplistic view is that Liberals want everyone to get along and to be treated equally, while Conservatives want defined classes of people.  Why do Conservatives need classes of people?  Because their whole ideology is based on getting personally rewarded for your personal efforts – the harder you work, the more reward you get.  Sounds pretty good,  and I agree with it until I realize that this requires a winner and a loser.  Your success results in failure for others.  Their success results in failure for you.  So, successful people want to remain successful and keep others that would threaten their success as subordinate. “The rich get richer.” 

Why are they called Conservatives?  Because they resist change.  Things are fine just as they are, with us in control.  How far back do you have to go to see Conservatives resisting change because Conservatives were in power?  All the way back to the days of slavery.

So on the other side you have Liberals, who are always changing things in the interest of balancing power, making advancement possible for people who don’t have the resources available to richer people.  And Conservatives hate that.  First, because they didn’t get any help for their success, and second, because it gives them competition.

The other light bulb burning brightly from my study of this graphic is a key word applied to Conservatives: fear.  It is found in the relationship of parent to child.  Parents control their children through fear.  It’s been nearly 10 years that we have been besieged with a non-stop torrent of fear mongering from our Republican leaders.  When we finally received a break – in the message of “Hope” – the Republican message remained unchanged, but refocused.  Now instead of fearing an external enemy, we must fear our own government.  But only because the current president is a Democrat, once Republicans take over again, we can start worrying about the rest of the world.

So in summary, having Conservatives in charge means things will not change.  That’s great if you are a Conservative yourself and/or you are content with the way things are right now.  The problem with being Liberal is that your nature is to promote equality.  This tactic doesn’t work against a Conservative, who does not believe in equality and whose prime mission is to rise above and control others in order to succeed – little more than base, primal, instinct.

2012 can not come soon enough.

Driver Formula

Posted by on March 10, 2010 No comments

I think I’ve come up with a formula to determine the assholosity of any driver on a highway.  The formula is simply:

x*abs(y-z)

Where x is the number of lane changes per mile, y is the average speed of the driver, and z is the average speed of the rest of traffic.  Spoken, the formula is: the number of lane changes per mile multiplied by the deviation in speed from the flow of traffic equals the level of asshole on the road.

This formula is a great step forward in the field of Asshology, of which I consider myself an expert.

Great Observations

Posted by on February 27, 2010 No comments

Following up a previous post on financial voyeurism, here’s the headlines for stocks for a period of time:

  • Monday: Stocks close lower on caution about economy
  • Tuesday: Stocks retreat after disappointing consumer report
  • Wednesday: Dow slips on Greece, domestic concerns
  • Thursday: Stocks backtrack but still fall on economic fears
  • Friday: Dow Rises 4 on Good GDP Data, Bad Housing News

The lesson here is: the stock market reacts to bad news in a bad way and good news in a good way.  Who would have thought such a thing?

The “have it” habit

Posted by on December 1, 2009 No comments

At dinner tonight, I had the opportunity to train a new employee.  Not directly, but because nothing I ever do is simple, they got to experience exceptions to the order-taking routine.  At the close of the transaction, I was going to say something to the effect of “Enjoy your employment, lucky person” but decided against it.

As I ate, I considered this a little further.  I’m (still) employed.  I’m doing ok.  But at the same time, I’m a responsible employee and a quick learner.  I could have that job!  And since I’m still employed, I’m more desirable to employers because it shows I can keep a job.  I should have that job.

But what kind of flack would I take for doing something like that?  I’d be taking jobs away from someone who really needs one.  “You already have a good job.  Stop hoarding the jobs, jerk.”  This transitioned my thinking into class warfare: the “have’s” and the “have not’s”.  I think this needs revision.  It’s the “have not’s”, the “have enough’s” and the “have more’s”.  See, I want to advance from “have enough” to “have more”.  And I could, because I’m not currently in the “have not” crowd.

But like I said, that’s not really fair.  The rich get richer, as they derisively say.  I would be suppressing the “have not’s” – the class below me – from advancing to the “have enough’s”.  So, in order to spread some of the wealth, I will take that job.  And another.  And maybe another.  Then I will outsource my jobs to another person who could not get the job on their own.  Wait, it’s not really outsourcing, is it.  Insourcing?  No, not that either.  No, it’s reverse subletting.  I am going to sublet my jobs at a lower wage and take the difference as a “convenience fee”.  It works for property, why not jobs?

But as usual, I’m so far behind the times.  Of course, this is already done with day laborers, contract positions, and other temporary positions.  But those are all handled by businesses.  Businesses run by rich people.  The “have more’s”. Once again, I’m getting held back by the man.  It’s so hard to get ahead anymore.  Woe is me.

Philosophical Murder

Posted by on November 27, 2009 No comments

Man: “I can’t date a woman who smokes.  Do you smoke?”

Woman: “Only on a rare occasion.”

Man: “Then you mean to say yes.”

Woman: “Ok, wiseass.  I can’t date a man who has killed another person.  Have you killed anyone?”

Man: “Gee, I don’t know.”

How would you know?  I let that big SUV cut in front of me on the highway.  Did that give the driver the extra time needed to get to where that pedestrian was run over by a big SUV?

Cannibal Toast Crunch

Posted by on June 29, 2009 No comments

And this past weekend I’m having lunch at a restaurant and see a commercial for Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  A couple of pieces floating in the milk, then a third piece swims around like a shark fin.  The first piece gets sucked under the surface, then the second piece frantically tries to swim away and gets pulled below.  The third piece surfaces and licks his lips.

I think I get it.  The message is that the cereal is so good it eats itself.  Cute.  Then my imagination kicked in, which never ends well.  I only wish I had the artistic skills to realize my visions.  That really would not end well.

So, cue the eerie music on a scene of a gingerbread house in the woods.  As it slowly pans in, you hear frantic, gasping breaths and some struggling.  Cut to a close scene of a Teddy Grahams bear tied to a decrepit examination table.  Pull back to see another Teddy Graham bear standing aside wearing a dirty, stained smock.  A makeshift nametag crookedly hanging on the smock reads “Dr. Ted”.

imageDr. Ted passes his hand over an assortment of sharp and pointy implements and settles on what seems to be a bone saw.  He takes the tool, places it at the wrist of the restrained bear and slowly begins sawing.  The victim screams and struggles in vain.  No blood.  They’re cookies, for god’s sake!  Ok, maybe a close-up scene of some crumbs falling to the floor and the screaming and sawing continues.

The paw has now been separated and Dr. Ted holds it up.  The victim is in shock, staring at his own sawn-off paw.  He (or she.  A female would be so much more dramatic.) musters enough strength to scream “Why are you doing this?”

Dr. Ted pauses for a second and stares blankly – as only Teddy Grahams can do.  Then a distorted smile stretches his face and he replies softly, “Because you taste…so…good.”  At which point he takes a savoring bite of the amputated cookie.  “Mmmm.”

Fade to black, then flip on a weak hanging light, flickering, showing an excessively shadowed box of Teddy Grahams seemingly trapped in a corner.  Maybe the box will shiver a little.  I don’t know. 

I suppose a lot of people wouldn’t appreciate my sense of humor.  Maybe it was because I was in a crappy mood because I got supremely drenched on the bike on the way to lunch.  Nothing catches people attention in a restaurant like a person soaked from head to toe (except I wear a helmet so my head was dry).  Ride bike=get wet.  I wonder if I should be renting myself out to some drought-stricken communities.  As long as I keep my mouth shut, I suppose I’d be fine.

Motivation – To be the best you… what were you saying again?

Posted by on June 12, 2009 No comments

There an inherent problem with anything that is claimed to be motivational and that is the cynical counterpoint.  Dilbert has done a pretty good job of poking holes in many motivational mantras.  The de-motivator meme has obviously run its course, but had some very good ideas early on.

Motivational messages are processed differently by different people, not unlike candy.  Some people gorge on motivation books, videos, seminars and have nothing to show for it.  They are useless without another fix of motivation.  Others only need a bit of motivation to keep them going – a quick pick-me-up.  Fortunately, I find myself in the latter camp.  I generally only need a reminder every once in a while of why I do what I do.  That’s not to say I don’t have slumps or have a cynical outlook on “business as usual.”  I try to not let the external influences get me down. 

But anyway, I did a quick Youtube search for motivational videos and watched the first one.  Somehow this was supposed to inspire me.  The video was about some football players that didn’t think they could beat their next game, so the coach tried to demonstrate “giving your all” using a couple players.

The coach made this guy carry another guy across the field.  The subject didn’t initially think he’d be able to make it half-way.  To prevent him from giving up when he met his mental finish-line, the coach blindfolded him.  Then, as he started to falter or complain, the coach encouraged him as only a coach would: by screaming and yelling in his face.  Finally the guy collapsed and the coach said proudly, “You made it to the end zone.”

So if you were to use this video as motivation for your employees, what exactly would you be saying?  My primary take-away: we want you to work yourself to exhaustion.  We don’t care if you are completely useless after that.  There is no sense in saving reserve energy.  If we feel you have any energy left in you, we will harass you until we wring it out.

From a psychological standpoint, I enjoyed the blindfold trick to keep the player from giving up.  But from a practical standpoint, it maps out poorly.  If you set a mental goal, that should be a realistic checkpoint to evaluate what you’ve accomplished and how much more you can do.

The bottom line is, motivation comes from within.  It can’t be fed to you and it can’t be beaten out of you, although many would disagree on that.  I think I’m going to have another read of Gung Ho!, a good example of how people motivate themselves.

Financial Voyeur

Posted by on December 30, 2008 No comments

I am developing a strange addiction to watching financial news.  It’s sadly like other people’s obsession with celebrities.  I say that because financial news is generally crap.

It just seems that the headlines take the current headline and use that to explain the days movement of the market.  Like yesterday it was "Oil rises above $40 on Mideast tensions" and today it’s "Oil drops below $40 over world economic concerns".   I don’t think they have any clue.

I know it’s unhealthy to watch the markets daily, but like a voyeur, I never take action on what I see, it’s just filler, junk, vapid nonsense.

So anyway, that’s my confession.

Auto Bubble

Posted by on November 4, 2008 No comments

Detroit makes me imagine a crazy person locked in a room somewhere making and churning out dozens of ugly teddy bears a day.  Each day people come to him and say "All the kids already have teddy bears and  even if they do want a new one, kids don’t want ugly teddy bears." 

But the crazy bear maker won’t stop.  He makes bigger, uglier teddy bears and pushes pile after pile of bears out the door.  The people carry heaps of grotesquery off to showrooms where the bears sit unwanted and unsold.

The bear maker is proud of himself.  His whole life has been making teddy bears and he feels he is vital to the well-being of children everywhere.  Whenever it is argued that his bears are unwanted, his response is "Look how busy I am!"  He never stops, he must be afraid to.

And sadly, after all these years of building bears in isolation, he discovers he has neither the skill nor the tools to build better bears.  He will need to be retrained or replaced.  We’ve already committed to pay for retraining and retooling.  Time will show whether he has no choice but to be replaced.

The State of Food

Posted by on August 9, 2008 No comments

It’s actually kind of pathetic, really.  My life has primarily become about food.  There was on old stand-up routine where a comic was pointing out how different people gave directions.  The religious guy would say things like "Go past the Catholic church until you get to the Methodist church.  Then turn left one block past the bible store."  The fat guy would say "Go down Main street and you’ll see a gym on your left.  You want to keep going right past that.  Don’t even slow down.  You’ll drive past a Pizza Hut, Burger King, and when you get to the Wendy’s, which has great food, slow down.  You’ll see the place on your left."  Well, that has become me.  All my reference points are restaurants.  I know where to find the food I like in every location I frequent.  I know where most Longhorns are in about a 100 mile radius.  Geez.

So, how did this happen to me?  Simple.  That’s my hobby.  If you ask, I also know where most pawn shops are in a hundred mile radius.  When eating alone, it’s usually easier and arguably cheaper to eat out.  So, I visit the same places many times, in many different places.  Like my white-collar/blue-collar post, I look for these landmarks when I am in a new locale.

I take a bit of flack for eating the same things over and over.  I can count the number of entrees I eat on my fingers; it’s pretty limited.  But my viewpoint is that it’s not the same meal.  Eating a burger at Chili’s for lunch and a burger at McD’s for dinner are different.  They taste different.  That’s my variety.  And I can identify the differences between all burgers that I eat, the fries I eat (including the texture of the salt), and the syrup/water/CO2 mixture of the Coke per location.  I’ve been on the fence for a very long time as to whether it’s a good or bad thing to have the server ask "the usual?"  It depends on my mood whether I get annoyed or not.  Also, I’m not sure about getting personal with the staff.  That makes me feel like I’m paying for attention.  Whenever money is involved, I don’t believe in sincerity.

Lately, our area has seen a compression of eating locations.  Within the last few months we lost: Roadhouse, Sam Seltzers, Lone Star, Bennigan’s, Don Pablo’s, Steak and Ale and Ruby Tuesday.  I guess the economy has hit the casual dining market hard, but then again, I never visited these places often (except Roadhouse), so maybe it’s my fault too.  I guess I can’t save the world, one restaurant at a time.