Category Archives: Wondering - Page 15

Who Wants To Live Forever?

Posted by on June 28, 2014 No comments

Things that MSN Healthy Living says are bad to eat:

  • BBQ Sauce
  • Pasta Salad
  • Macaroni Salad
  • Potato Salad
  • Ranch Dressing
  • Fatty steaks
  • Breaded chicken
  • Fried chicken
  • Hot dogs
  • Sausage
  • Hamburgers
  • Pie
  • Cake
  • Gluten-free foods
  • Greek frozen yogurt
  • Asian Chicken salad
  • Fruit Smoothies
  • Fish Sandwiches
  • Chinese vegetarian dishes
  • Chipotle’s burrito bowl
  • Tomato soup
  • Baked fuckin’ potato
  • Omelet
  • Microwave popcorn
  • Light salad dressings
  • Trail mix
  • Granola
  • Artichoke spinach dip
  • Flavored fat-free yogurt
  • Dried fruit
  • Flavored soy milk
  • Energy drinks (well, duh)
  • Turkey sandwich
  • Parfait
  • Blue corn chips
  • Chicken wrap
  • Low-fat muffins
  • Frozen diet dinners
  • Canned soups
  • Veggie pizza
  • Spinach pasta
  • Wheat bread (or any fucking bread)
  • Diet soda (duh, again)
  • Reduced fat peanut butter
  • Fruit cocktail
  • Swordfish
  • Imported catfish
  • Farmed eel
  • King Mackerel
  • Orange Roughy
  • Chilean Sea Bass
  • Shark
  • Imported Shrimp
  • Tilefish
  • Bluefin Tuna
  • Non-organic strawberries
  • Anything from McDonalds
  • Canned Tomatoes
  • Corn.  Yes, corn.
  • White chocolate
  • Artificial sweeteners (no, really?)
  • Sprouts
  • Anything with food dyes
  • Ice cream sundaes from chain restaurants
  • Eggnog
  • Candied Yams
  • Creamed Spinach
  • Cranberry Sauce
  • Cheese straw
  • Fruitcake
  • Swedish Meatballs
  • Pot Roast
  • Yorkshire pudding
  • Prime Rib
  • Sausage stuffing
  • Dark meat turkey
  • Green bean casserole with fried onions
  • Croissants
  • Potato pancakes
  • Lobster Newburg
  • Yule log
  • Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha
  • Caramel apples
  • Gingerbread
  • Sugar cookies
  • Plum pudding
  • Mashed Potatoes
  • Gooseberry pie
  • Beef Wellington
  • Glazed Ham
  • Gravy
  • Cinnamon Rolls
  • Peanut Brittle
  • Apple pie a la mode
  • Chocolate covered cherries
  • Cheese fondue
  • Shepard’s pie
  • Smoothie King’s Hulk Strawberry Smoothie
  • Starbucks’ Double Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino Blended Creme with whipped cream
  • Coldstone’s PB&C Shake
  • Auntie Anne’s Jumbo Pretzel Dog
  • Cinnabon’s Caramel Pecanbon
  • Wendy’s Sweet and Spicy Boneless Wings
  • Dunkin’ Donuts’ Coffee Cake Muffin

And although there are many more articles I could have pulled items from, I think that serves to show that if you really want to be healthy, all you can eat is organic lettuce.  But even then, some articles complain about foods that are improperly produced or prepared, so make sure that straight-from-the-ground organic lettuce doesn’t have any bugs, dirt, or animal feces on it.

Do not, I repeat, do not cook.  Mankind has been lucky to survive as long as it has with people indiscriminately making food.  If you didn’t pull it from the ground or from a bush or tree with your own hands, it is not safe and you will die.

People Don’t Have a Clue

Posted by on June 11, 2014 No comments

Today, I read that there is a bittorrent client for Windows Phone.  So, I’m pretty damn confused now.

People are shunning desktop PCs because they don’t want to have to deal with the “computer-y” stuff.  But people want to do more “computer-y” stuff on their phones, despite the fact that the UI is less optimized for such tasks.

I’m wondering where the middle is, if there is one.  Will computers look like phones, like how OSX is morphing into iOS and the Windows 8 UI becomes standard across devices?  Will phones look more like PCs, like what we already had and hated with Windows Mobile?

People want to do one thing at a time and have multiple things going at one time.  The desktop metaphor has become too complex for people, but they complain when you can’t easily switch between apps on a phone.

Every single possible size of screen is available from phones, to phablets, to tablets, to laptops, to desktops, to multi-display desktops.  Everyone bitches that this one or that one is too big or too small or too heavy or too fragile.

Fail on the Wrong Scale

Posted by on May 20, 2014 No comments

Reading through the tech news sites today, I see Microsoft has released a new model of their Surface tablet.  And, even though I hate myself for doing this because it makes me hate the world, I read the comments on the articles.  The comments that always got to me were the simple “Total Fail” posts.  Some would back it up with something like, “No one’s talking about this.  It’s dead on arrival.” or “Look at how little press this is getting.  Microsoft can’t even get the word out.”

I think I’ve finally come to understand this.  When you’re dealing with an ultra-powerful tablet – one that is on par with business-class laptops – quite simply, it’s not for you.  I don’t mean you as in everybody, I mean you, as in the person who is spamming “Fail” all over blog article comments.  This is an adult device. Let the adults handle this.

The people that are running companies and making purchasing decisions for their IT teams are going to evaluate this on a slightly different measure than how many denigrating posts the product receives or how many talk shows the product is mentioned on.  This is not for you, mass consumer.  But that’s not to say you can’t buy it or make great use of it.  If you do, you’ll be using professional-grade hardware, and everyone will assume you are capable at handling it.

The problem is that tech blogs attract the wrong crowd, because they deal in consumer electronics.  If you went on a true IT blog and they posted an article about the newest HP datacenter server or the newest Cisco core router, you’re not going to have a bunch of “This server is dead on arrival” posts.  You will read valid critiques of the hardware’s shortcomings, in other words, intelligent discourse.

I guess it’s pretty typical of the modern, self-centered, never-satisfied, all-about-me mentality to think that if a product doesn’t do exactly what you want it to, it must be useless to everyone.  And with that conclusion, you must speak with authority on the matter, because, well, it’s all about you.

But guess what?  It’s not.  It’s not for you so it’s not about you.

Heads In The Cloud

Posted by on May 15, 2014 No comments

Ok, I’m going to call it now.  I don’t know when it will happen, but I’m becoming convinced it will.  I might have mentioned this idea in a previous entry, but I’m making this post stand-alone.

Do you have data in “the cloud”?  The motherfucking “cloud”?  The stupid term for Internet storage?  The one where some idiot manager looked at the Visio diagram for wide area networks, represented by… a cloud, and called it “the cloud” and it stuck?

Anyway.  You probably do.  Your smartphone saves backup data to “the MF’n cloud.”  You probably have Google Drive or OneDrive or DropBox or one of the many others.  You may actually have online backups through Carbonite or its competitors.  Surely you understand you are trusting these companies to stay in business as long as they have your stuff.

But, you’re not alone.  Businesses are being strongly pitched to store their stuff in “the MF’n cloud”.  Not only that, some businesses completely exist in this etheric realm – no tangible assets at all.  Today, Microsoft sent me an email stating they had developed a utility to move your TFS projects from your local machines to “Visual Studio Online” – a goddamn cloud for code.  (TFS is a tool for storing and keeping track of source code.)

Now hold on one minute here.  Microsoft wants me to take all my business’s code, the stuff that RUNS my business, and put it on their servers.  Oh, I’m not worried about security.  Seriously, I’m not.  There is one scenario I predict is going to happen, and it may happen to any one of these companies that deal in virtual, rented storage.

On that fateful day, there will be a news story about how CloudCo has defaulted on a financial obligation.  Then there is a flurry of more “investigative” news stories as people realize, “Oh shit, they’ve been insolvent for a really long time, although the executives have made tons of the money and are saying they had none of the idea this was happening.  How could we be such stupid Americans?  Is YouTube still up?”  No, this isn’t like the banks.  This is different. 

Banks may have your money, but you can replace that with other money, especially with money you get from FDIC guarantees.  Cloud companies have your data.  Your pictures, your documents, your emails, your contacts, your digital life.  There’s no FDIC guarantee on that.  It cannot be replaced.  Do you see the difference here?

Ok, back to that day.  CloudCo, says, “Sorry for your bad fortune, we’re going to have to close up.”  Government officials will immediately say “My pictures!” and will create something that sounds impressive, like injunction, that effectively says, “we’ll make people provide CloudCo service for free until everyone can get all their data off their servers.”  Problem is, CloudCo worked very hard to get a lot of data.  Too much data to move.  Too much data for a company to completely revamp its processes to use another provider.  So much data that CloudCo became “too big to fail”.  Oh wait, this is just like the banks.  It’s actually more insidious. 

I’m saying it’s going to happen.  I have no idea when or to whom it will happen, but it’s gonna happen.  And if you really wanna get in on this, you can do it yourself.  Start a cloud company.  It will be like minting money.  And when it all falls apart, you won’t even see a day in jail.  I can promise that, because America loves entrepreneurs.  Especially ones that have a plan, even if that plan is to take the money and run.

Stone Age of the Future

Posted by on May 5, 2014 No comments

Ok, so now we officially have a place where you can smoke pot legally.  Yay.  I don’t drink or do any drugs, I’m not exactly anti-drinking or anti-drugs, either.  I say, go ahead and do whatever you want and I’ll go ahead and dislike you for it.

Growing up, I was the only person in my entire circle of friends that didn’t get high.  I took a little bit of crap for it and I was treated a little as an outsider for it, but I also was able to toss a few barbs in return.  Years later, I’m not entirely sure it made a difference.  We’re all at varied levels of success in careers, some with families, some without.

As I get older, I find that I’m trying to look at the bigger picture, not so much focused on my life or my contributions, but more focused on humanity as a whole.  Theosophy has helped in that regard, understanding that we keep coming back, life after life, to improve ourselves and all of humanity based on successes and hardships we’ve previously experienced.

You see the progression of humanity becoming ever more humane, with civil rights and equality and less barbarism.  There’s still quite a few holdouts that want things to go back, but overall we’re making slow progress.

We’re all pretty well aware that drugs of any kind impede a persons development, either temporarily or, after long extended periods, permanently.  There is a strong argument that pot is harmless and does nothing but calm and relax people.  But that there is also the harm.  You can’t simply escape life, there is much to be done.

Does this future vision of stoned zombies worry me?  Not really.  I live surrounded by a whole bunch of “functional alcoholics”, who work all day, then stay drunk all night.  I have no idea how they do it.  Maybe they’d be much more productive if they didn’t drink, and that’s how I feel about the future breed of “functional stoners”.

But again, I’m not worried, because not everyone is going to be sucked into this lifestyle.  There will always be people who will work for the common good and try to improve the world.  I guess I’m just concerned that it will be a distraction for those people who haven’t chosen a life of self-improvement and simply decide life is pure enjoyment and leisure.

We Will Beat Any Deal!

Posted by on May 3, 2014 No comments

A recent forum post was relating a story of how a car sales person defended the use of high-pressure tactics and treating customers like idiots:  The technique will work reliably as long as WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) still has viewership.

Now there’s an idea!  Clearly, the salesman is referring to the fact that the customer will pay extra as long as there is some spectacle involved.  The buyer gives an offer and, pow!  Clothesline!  The salesman falls to the ground, stunned.  The salesman counters the offer and the customer deflects it with a wave of his arm.  The crowd is screaming for the customer to win.  The salesman runs to his corner and tags his manager.  The manager comes out and is immediately knocked to the floor by a demand of an extended warranty!  Such spectacle!  So much glory!

But, through application of standard car sales tactics, like a never ending line of opponents, the customer eventually gets tired and just wants the match to be over.  The dealer wins, again!  But it was a good show, so at least there’s that.

CYA UPS

Posted by on April 28, 2014 No comments

I hear and read a lot of stories about theft of packages.  Fortunately, I’m in a good neighborhood, so nothing of mine ever walks away.  But, aside from that, I know there can be misdeliveries, and then it’s more a matter of having honest neighbors.

I was checking the status on an order (a new computer for a client) and it just got delivered, about 25 minutes ago.  On the website, I saw a note that said “Left at: Font Door” and a link that said “Proof of Delivery”.  I thought, awesome, what proof of delivery is this?  I was expecting to see a picture of my package in front of my door.  Well, no.

I was disappointed.  It was just a bunch of text with dates and times and numbers and junk.  And my disappointment made me think, someone needs to do this.  Clearly, they have wifi to transmit the time of delivery back to the office and then off to the website.  Why couldn’t they include a picture?  In the event of misdelivery, a customer could possibly identify a neighbors door where the package was left.  By showing the package was there, it would make it clear whether the package loss was theft or driver error.

In fact, if I was a UPS driver, I think I’d be snapping a pic with my cell phone at each delivery.  I’d have photographic evidence in case anyone accused me of messing up, plus I’d have time stamps and even GPS coordinates.  This is a very litigious world we live in, and everyone needs to watch their own ass.  And it’d be good customer service.  That too.

Advances in Management Through Nudity

Posted by on April 10, 2014 No comments

In other Florida news, a mostly-naked woman went berserk in a McDonalds, trashing the equipment and eating ice cream.  Yeah, that’s pretty much the headline.  But after watching the video, I had one primary takeaway.  It didn’t have anything to do with the nudity.

I have no idea what the woman was upset about.  That point actually doesn’t matter.  The thing that was the most informative in the video.  She calmed down after sucking on the ice cream machine.  She then made herself an ice cream cone and didn’t trash anything else.  Low blood sugar, maybe?

Regardless, here’s my idea.  With an agitated customer, the manager has to do two things: establish trust and defuse anger.  The first should be offering to meet on neutral ground to discuss the problem.  When a manager is behind the counter, there is a clear barrier between the parties.  This can allow the manager some safety and power over the situation, but it can also raise the perception of inaccessibility to the customer, which just intensifies the situation.  The manager can say, “Let’s sit down at a table and discuss this.”  There will still be a barrier between them, but the playing field will seem more level.

Defusing the anger can be easy.  Ask the customer if they want a drink, dessert, or ice cream.  Whatever they want, have someone immediately make it and bring it to the table.  The manager should not make or bring the request; the manager’s attention is solely on the customer.

If all goes well, the customer will be snacking and explaining the problem, maybe very aggressively.  But by seating them at a table, you’ve gotten the scene away from the front counter, where others would be subjected to the tirade.  Additionally, the customer may not back down from their argument in front of a bunch of spectators, but in isolation, may be more agreeable.  Everyone wants to look strong in front of others.

And if the customer is nude for all of this, it may be a blessing for some.

Seeing Dollar Signs

Posted by on April 7, 2014 No comments

Out for lunch today I saw one of those roadway signs: “100 Signs for $299!!”  I’ve been seeing quite a few of these lately (although I have definitely not seen 100).  It’s made me think of a scam.  I’m not sure of I have a nose for identifying scams or a brain for creating scams.  But anyway, here’s what you do.  And, just for the record, I didn’t think of this until I saw a potential giveaway one day.

So you find someone who will print the signs for $179 (100 of them!!!).  You create the sign to say “100 signs for $199!!!!”  Then you put the signs out in a place where Mr. $179 is not advertising.  You get a call, take the order, then place the order for $179 with your competitor.  You just made $20.  Do that 8 times and everything from there on out is profit.  The signs should last for quite some time and you don’t really have any expenses to keep up.

The only reason I thought of this is one day seeing a sign for $179 on one side of the road and $189 on the other side.  I wondered if the one guy used the other for printing.  And like I said, today, I saw a sign for $299.  That dude’s got some real balls.  He wants his investment back right away.

Consultancy

Posted by on March 27, 2014 No comments

The recent Dilbert strips have got me thinking abut the concept of consulting.  I think it’s a pretty recent thing, probably since the 90’s?  At least in the tech industry, I think it is.  Maybe it’s always been around for other fields.

Consulting, as the comic depicts, is a lifestyle.  It’s at odds with holding a regular job and has different benefits and drawbacks to working in that capacity.  Personally, I see many more drawbacks, and not just for the consultant.  The consultant’s issues are pretty easy to identify.  I’m just concerned that some things have been allowed to become “the standard” because they’ve been going on so long.

In the first place, businesses have become accepting that they don’t need to retain the talent to have the most advanced “stuff”. (Stuff is an ambiguous term for anything: a process, a piece of hardware or software, a design methodology.)  They think that the most advanced stuff just handles itself.  You just need to set it up.  So you can “rent” the expertise instead of “buying” it.  That’s not how stuff works, and it’s painfully obvious when shit goes wrong.  But this is the way it’s done now.

Because of that point, you can make a summary statement that “consultants don’t make solutions, consultants fix problems.”  Database running slow?  Bring in a consultant.  Need to solve a technical hurdle?  Consultant.  Need to adopt an entire new accounting system?  Consultants!  But consultants leave, and when they do, it’s back on you.  Yeah, it’s great to be on vacation, but you need to come back to work eventually.  So, what if the problem happens again? 

And what makes a consultant so amazing, so important?  Because they’ve helped dozens of other companies with the same problem?  That’s a great breadth of knowledge.  Does it mean the same as a great depth of knowledge?  No.  Can a consultant get a great depth of knowledge?  Not likely, because they are constantly jumping from one flower to the next, pollenating fixes here and there.

Yeah, I’m sure there are good consultants out there.  Ones who will teach and share knowledge while they work; ones that will dig deeper and solve the root cause instead of addressing the symptoms.  But that also depends on what the business is willing to pay for.

I guess it comes back to my first point.  The fact that business (and life as a whole) is so sped up, there is no time (and money) to do things the right way and no time to learn something in its entirety before it is obsolete.  This, along with the idea that there is always something better, which is probably true, but that it is incompatible with older versions, which is simply bad, is leading us into a state of perpetual rebuilding, so that there is never time to actually measure the success we have attained.