Tag Archives: humor - Page 2

Quotes Considered

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”

That would be pretty damn unfair if the deal ended up as 90% worst and 10% best.  I think maybe the counteroffer should be: “I deserve a partner whose mean demeanor is at least 75% of the theoretical positive maximum.”

“It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.”

Anything is an answer to something, and everyone has at least one question.  So it’s not so much a matter of knowing some questions or some or all of the answers, but the mapping between the two.

“The way to write American music is simple. All you have to do is be an American and then write any kind of music you wish.”

I think Americans do this with just about everything.  Look at American Apparel, American Express, and American Eagle Outfitters.  Do something and put “American” in front of it and you have patriotic profits!

“Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.”

There are a shitload of shitty chess players now.  They’ve created their own rules and defined the pieces differently, so they are incompatible with modern, proper, intelligent chess players.

“All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.”

Clearly coined by a non-programmer who doesn’t understand garbage-in, garbage-out.  However, I will give props to the analogy since the term “series reboot” in film has become fairly mainstream.  Maybe all playwrights are programmers and all audiences are lousy computers.

“Even with the best of maps and instruments, we can never fully chart our journeys.”

No duh.  You need to have a destination in mind before you start a journey.

“Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

Space is huge and empty.  There is no “landing” if you miss the moon.  You will be adrift forever in an empty void.  If you are shooting for the moon, you need to be insanely precise.