There’s been a recent raft of shit going on at work lately. When I say shit, I mean literal shit, but I don’t mean there’s a literal raft involved. This shit affects me, and a couple of my co-workers, but it isn’t a co-worker’s shit. It’s simply a matter of mistaken identity and unwarranted aggression from an idiot doing idiotic things. Fucking bird.
It’s a stupid female cardinal that must have a nest of stupid cardinal babies in a nest in a tree above our cars. And at various times times during the day, this helicopter mom, this smotherfucker, swoops down to our cars because it sees itself in our rear view mirrors. It then proceeds to flap around and attack its reflection in the mirror. I’m not sure if the shitting part is because the bird thinks it won or because it thinks it’s losing the fight, but our cars all have bird shit on the doors from the fight. I can see marks on my window from the feathers flapping furiously in a highly-alliterative sentence.
I’ve even been in the car during the attacks. I’m just chilling out, using my new Android phone, which has been a big pile of meh, and I’ll see bitch bird flapping and pecking around at the car beside me, or sometimes it comes to my car. Bitch bird stands on the door’s window sill and makes a big fuss over the other bird in the door mirror. It makes me wonder about about the canary I had as a little kid. Was it cruel to put a mirror in the cage and laugh when the bird pecked at it? I was told that birds liked to look at themselves. This stupid bird sure doesn’t.
So, to keep my car door from getting shat all over, I started covering up my mirror with a cleaning rag. That seemed to work except the bitch went over to the passenger side to fight. So I need two cleaning rags.
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