Last week, I started the process of relocating my stuff from the bedroom that had served as my office into the lanai which would serve as my new office. It was a surprisingly difficult effort. What should have taken a couple of hours or so took many days. But, although surprising to me, it’s also consistent with some recent difficulties I’ve had in regards to motivation and exhaustion.
On one particular day, after moving a couple of pieces and giving up, I reflected on the moving process. Why was it so difficult? There was a time in my youth that I would rearrange my living area nearly monthly. I loved the different possibilities and the change it brought. Now it just seemed I wanted things to stay the same. That’s kind of depressing to think about, which is ironic because it’s depression that’s been holding me back from everything lately.
Without dwelling on that point, this is more about changes. On a smaller scale, I have to deal with the moving of my stuff between rooms, which will require putting some things into temporary storage. On a bigger scale, the GF is going through the same thing by moving her stuff to my house, which has to be even more overwhelming and disheartening considering how many things of hers will need to be stored. And overarching all of this now is our near-term plans to move to another state.
So, for whatever stress I might be feeling about moving my shit in my house, it’s nothing compared to what needs done to move to another place. First and most importantly, it reprioritizes the improvements that need done to the house in order to maximize resale value. Some things just can’t be done in time and some may be too expensive to get return on the cost. But, it’s a real kick in the ass to start doing something. I always work best on a deadline.
The big move eclipses the small move and the sacrifices become acceptable and even encouraging. I’m packing up all my music gear, not because I don’t have space for it in my new office but instead because we’re moving out. It’s not losing out on anything, it’s preparation. I shouldn’t feel constrained by my new office because I’m not going to be there for very long. And there’s going to be a period of time where things are going to be even more cramped until we find the ideal house in our new city.
And while moving rooms was stressful to me and I was wondering why that was the case when I used to love change. moving cities is quickly becoming an exciting prospect, despite the looming effort that remains in this house. I think it might because I’ve found a “why.” Why am I doing all this stuff to the house, what does it matter? Well, right now it matters greatly to the future owner of the house. And at the same time, I’m going to shed anything I might regret doing in this house and the GF and I will start with a clean slate, on equal footing in a new place.
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