Anachostic

I’m sorry, Kaitlynn.

Your ATM card is dead.  You left it in the Publix parking lot tonight.  There were no other cars around, so I couldn’t try and find you.  I had a thought to turn it in at the customer service counter and see if you would call and say you left your card there.  Instead, I called your bank.

Bank of America.  What a great bank.  In their phone queue, they ask for my (your) account number.  I enter it from the card.  They ask for the last four of your SSN.  Hell, I don’t know.  I said 0000.  I was wrong.  So they start to blow me off (a machine, saying eff off -  wonderful) and I say “operator” (that’s supposedly a trick to get to a human).  Sorry, their customer service center is closed and no one can help me (or you).  Instead of getting pissed off and hanging up, I got pissed off and listened to the rest of their message.  I could report a stolen or lost card by saying “lost card”.  Bingo!

The lady handling the situation was pleasant.  She said she would deactivate your card right away.  I said that deactivating a card could result in a huge hassle.  Can’t you call the person and tell them their card will be waiting at the Publix service desk?  Nope.  Who knows who’s seen and copied the information on that card already before I found it.  Fair enough.  Goodbye, ATM card.  Goodbye, scheduled online payments.  Goodbye, electronic means of buying cigarettes (my assumption).  Oh, and they’re not going to call you either and say your card was found.  They’ll just wait for you to notice it’s gone and report it missing.  Seriously, that’s what they said.

So, I’m sorry.  But you should be happy it ended like this instead of the alternative.  Also, you need to sign your card before using it.  It says right on it: “Not valid unless signed.”

Happy holidays.